I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
