# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
