I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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