My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
