Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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