I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
