Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
