the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
