Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
