And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
two words: eviction party
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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