Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
