I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
the condom got lost in my hair
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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