I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
