Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
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