If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
