Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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