from now on my penis is your penis
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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