broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
