It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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