I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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