omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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