I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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