i just google imaged poop.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
