He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I AM VODKA MAN
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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