you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
