I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
