Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
