I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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