nut hugger
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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