i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Randomize
