i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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