What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
