she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
