i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
