They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
