My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
