he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think a kid would responsible me up
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
