help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
