I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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