I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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