Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
