he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
