Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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