you guys were way drunker than both of me
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
