You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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