I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
