Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
