I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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