Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
There's a naked man in my car right now.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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