So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
