the condom got lost in my hair
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
