K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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